Part 5 = I should get creative here

Well Saturday came very early as I got a text at 6:30 telling me Erika would not be coming today and that I should call her. That woke me up, so I got up and called her. I really did not understand too much, she was half asleep as well and reception in my house is not the greatest. I told her I would call her when I got up which would be around 8. I had a soccer game in Nashville. I did not fall back asleep. I could not believe this was happening again. It seemed things were going well. I called her back on my way to Nashville, but it was hard to hear her, so I told her to text me. She did and finished breaking up with me. Again. I knew things were not easy for her at home, and she did what she thought was best. She did text me a few times that day and the following day, but I was really hurt. I did not know what to do. I think all I did when I prayed that night was cry. I could not understand how I could have done anything different to change the situation. I think I was selfish for what I wanted and when the hurt and anger faded, I knew that Erika would be going through much more emotionally than what I would be going through. I finally decided that I would not give up still. I loved this girl. I knew it and no matter what happened, I always would so why should I give up on her? I sent a text to her Sunday night. mainly because I missed her. I had talked to her constantly almost everyday and without her, the day seemed so long and so empty. The text I sent was simple: "how was church?" but it made Erika cry. she was feeling the same way I was.



We decided to be friends. I did love her and I wanted her in my life. so we continued to talk all the time. I had another soccer game on saturday so I invited Erika to come watch. She did and I do not know how much fun she had, but I was so happy that she was there. I gave her my camera to take pictures which she did. We most definitely need to work on her abilities there. When we were done, I walked her to her car and just stood there. I was doing good just being her friend, but I could not stand it. I grabbed her and gave her a big kiss. I just had to do that. now I could leave. she and I went to Opry Mills and ate. I knew she still loved me because I knew I stunk. It was hot and I was sweaty.



Her family went to Florida the next weekend, but we still talked. I do not know how much her parents knew to the extent we talked. We were friends. just friends. this was reiterated many times for my convenience. that next Wednesday, one of her good friends died tragically in a car accident. She turned to me when that happened. She was trying to be the strong one for her friend, the boyfriend of the one who died, and she did not have to be that way with me. I had been through a similar situation with Shana and she knew that. All I wanted was to comfort her and see her happy. I still can't stand to see her cry.



That Sunday she was singing in Sacrament meeting and I had promised to come watch her even before she had broken up with me. I would have gone to see her anyways. I drove my motorcycle there and sat with her family. She sang amazing. I wish I had any ability to sing at all, but I do not so I really appreciate others who can. I was blown away at this person, whom I love, and how angelical she sang. I could listen to her sing for the rest...well a long time. I went to her house after church to eat and helped make dinner. It was great. well, you know how picky an eater I am, but it really was great. We went to a fireside for YSA's and stayed after to play games. Neither of us wanted to leave, because it was getting close to when she would have to go back to BYU. it was around 11 when we got back to her house and I suited up for the ride home. I did not get far before it started to rain. not real hard at first, but it soon turned that way. I stopped under several overpasses trying to wait for a break. It took me over 2 hours to make it home, and I was completely drenched when I did make it home. I did have on some gear to keep me dry, but not nearly enough.



On Thursday, the thursday before she was leaving to go back to BYU, I went and met her and her family to go watch her little sister's softball game. that was fun. I almost felt like part of her family. Her 2 other sisters and mother were there. After the game, Erika and I went and bought Chinese and went to a park and ate. I had my laptop and showed her some of the stuff I did at work. It was great, just being with her. Well, till a cop came and told us the park was closed so I took her home. When we got there, I came inside, but felt really uncomfortable. I knew her mom was not fond of me and I think she could feel how much I really did care about her daughter and how much Erika cared for me. But I just had this weird feeling so I quickly left. Erika sent me a text and called me. I did not answer. She was wondering if I was ok and I could tell the concern in her voice. I did not respond till I got home. I needed some time to reflect. I know we were not together, but we pretty much acted like it. I kept thinking how much I was coming between Erika and her mom and I hated it. I did not want her mom to think any less of Erika. I think so much of her, that I did not want to sever her family. I could not do that. She could get over me, but she could not replace her mother. I thought real hard about ending thing so she would not have to choose between her mother and I. I knew I loved her and that she had come into my life because of Heavenly Father. I felt so truly blessed to be lucky enough that someone so amazing would love me. I feel that way everyday, and everyday, Erika proves to be more amazing. By the time I got home, I knew I did not want to lose this girl. we had gone through so much and prevailed and I felt Heavenly Father had given an affirmation in the decision I made. I did not want to do the opposite. I called her back and told her everything was good.



I had to work a football game the next day, but it went fairly quickly and Erika said she was out bowling so I should come see her. I could get there by 12:30. So I did. She was leaving the next day and I did not know when I would get to see her again. Christmas was the next time I knew she would be here, but she probably would have been in Florida with her family. So I made good time and found her. I spent the next hour just holding the woman I love.



Now she is in Utah, going to BYU. I still talk to her everyday. Every morning she would call me on her way to class, and every night she would call me on her way home. We were still friends, but we acted like a couple. Eventually we realized that neither of us wanted to be with anyone else. I had no desire to go out with anyone else. not when I knew who I loved and whom Heavenly Father had put in my life. So we finally called it what it was and I am more in love with this choice handmaiden.